Capturing the Flag: Winning the daily battles with science

Feeling beaten down, pecked upon and downtrodden by your social circle and workplace? You are not alone. Parakeets, like humans, self organize into battle-ready social hierarchies using newly recognized cognitive abilities, according to research by Santa Fe Institute postdoctoral researcher Elizabeth Hobson. In a 24-day study, she is able to rank individuals from “kingbird” to “dodo” and everything in between in a population of naïve parakeets.

Luckily for those of you with Emperor Complexes, these battle- types of ranking are highly stable over time. Lower caste birds only challenge even lower castes. Upper echelons battle between themselves, in Game of Thrones – King of Hill – fashion. Because these birds are remarkably intelligent, long-lived and monogamous, they are ideal models for us to use as a basis for our own manipulation of problem people to achieve daily dominance.

Part of Dr. Hobson’s research indicates that the larger groups and less complex reasoning circles employ rankings that use forms of outwardly manifesting imagery to establish their battle ranking. For a human example, imagine wearing Air Jordans or pink Keds to establish your basketball cred. So, to effectively game the system here, wear your Armani and Prada to work everyday. Hey, it worked for Meryl Streep right?

Next, since smaller and smarter groups chose rankings based on individual recognition, reduce your herd strategically. Disinvite your BFF to the party next door. Kick your cubicle mate out of the budget meeting. You’ll look powerful and battle-ready to take on the next opponent.

I didn’t say this would make you popular, which according to Dr. Hobson is an independent ranking unrelated to conflict rankings. But let’s face it, sometimes we all want the penthouse view.